No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
