i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
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My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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