she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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