I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Randomize
