Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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