There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
