meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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