Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
