I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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