If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
