I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
