Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
