Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
