i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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