oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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