dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
