OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
