I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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