How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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