because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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