I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
