Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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