well I can't set my house on fire every night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
