Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
