He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
