i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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