After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize