I'm really into asian looking animals
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
