I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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