Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
