$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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