When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
