My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag