You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.