I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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