fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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