She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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