I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
