hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
