there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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