you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize