laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
