And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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