This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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