Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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