did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
