I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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