i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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