i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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