She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
