Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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