My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
