I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
