she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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