You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
