im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
