my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
