Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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