He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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