I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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