maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
