I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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