Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
