White coat. Heels.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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