I need help removing her.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
