I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
