i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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