you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
