I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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