my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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