I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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