8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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