Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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