My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
