I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
