I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
