my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
