im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
