Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
