i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
