If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
