I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
