I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
