That's when you crack a 10am beer
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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