It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You're like the curious george of whores
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
