i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
