i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
