we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
