walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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